Dog People

My father's new dog, Buddy, peed on Abby's shoe at family dinner.

The world, and my family, is divided into "dog people" and "not dog people." My sister-in-law Abby, along with my husband and my mother, fit into the "not" category.

Why was Buddy hanging around Rich and Abby at the dinnertable? Was he trying to win them over? Was he trying to annoy them? Does he, like many dogs, live in a world of sublime oblivion, where everyone is lovable and everyone loves him? Or - most likely - was it that Abby and Rich were still eating, possibly dropping table scraps?

Buddy actually was standing about five feet away from Abby when the urge to pee struck. He rushed over to her, lifted his leg, and let go, right on the rubber toe of her Chuck Taylor's.

At least they're washable.

Anxiety Dreams

I am in the parking structure when I realize that it is 6 pm. I was supposed to be at University Commons at 5:00 to give my presentation, but I was also supposed to pick up Emma Jane at synchro at 5:30. I stir, realize I am in my own bed, and decide I don't need to solve these problems at this time.

Moments later, it is 6 pm. I was supposed to be at University Commons to give the presentation at 5, but I can't find my car. I am walking down the ramps in the structure, pressing the "panic" button on my key chain, but the horn isn't honking. I still can't find my car. I'd like to call Margaret to tell her to have everyone eat dinner first. I'll be there in time to give the presentation with dessert. But my cell phone isn't working. I still can't find my car.

When I got to work this morning, I spent over an hour preparing for the presentation. I've never given a single presentation for an entire hour, unless it was about a project for which I had full ownership. This will be more like a lecture.

How can I possibly keep these people interested for a full hour?

I hope I don't get lost on the way there.

The Haircut - Part 2

Setting: We are in an elevator at the eye doctor's. The elevator stops and a man gets in.

Sam: What floor?

Man: Four, thanks. (Sam pushes button.)

Man (to me): She's very polite. (pause) Is she going to get drops in her eyes?

Me (looking at Sam): Yes.

Man (to Sam): You'll do fine, young lady. The drops will wear off soon. (Elevator stops. Man gets out.)

Me: Are you ready for that haircut?

Sam (grinning): No.

Louise & Other Thoughts

My brother's babysitter, Louise, died last week. She was 20 years old. She had leukemia.


I know only a little about Louise. She made a sparkly purple cape for Kaeli with Kaeli's name sewn on the back. She took a great picture of Evie holding an orange. She had a serious boyfriend, and was going to art school in New York City.


Kaeli was crying and missing Louise at family dinner the week before last. She said that no one cried at Louise's funeral. I remember that from Grampa Jay's funeral, not seeing anyone cry.


At Bill's funeral in July, everyone was crying, even Rich. Even me. We cried at Mamaw's funeral last year, too. I guess it's a southern thing.

Me and Martha

My mom lent me her copy of Martha Stewart Living. I noticed a few differences between my baseline household maintenance and Martha's. Some examples:

Martha:

She celebrates the change of seasons by switching out lampshades and area rugs to create a warmer, more intimate feeling for the winter.

Me:

Once a year I consider cleaning the dead bugs out of the halogen lamp in the living room. I've never actually done it.

Martha:
She layers her picking baskets with dishtowels to prevent the tomatoes from bruising.
Me:
I use the front of my shirt as a bowl and hope: (1) my bra doesn't show and (2) the stains will come out, since I don't have time to separate the whites from the colors.

Martha:
She rotates her cookies in the oven so they brown evenly.
Me:
We like burned cookies at my house. We're used to them.

Where I'm From

by Emma Jane Rickman

Hour 5

I am from the ripples

in the water from where I

dipped my paddle

From the smell of chicken

there to greet me

when I come home

That's where I am from

From "I love you," "Do you

homework!" and "Dinner's ready"

I'm from my butterfly alphabet,

Mr. Egg, and my Russian doll

That's where I am from

I'm from the "Cannonball"

when I jump in the water

From my bed, my playground out back,

and kicking the ball against the garage

making little dings.

That's where I am from

I'm from millions of cousins

and aunts, and uncles, and

people I love

Shopping with my aunts

and grandmas

That's where I am from

I am from my teachers who care and

my parents who cuddle

from shouts from the

neighbors and water fights

with soggy clothes

That's where I am from

I'm from stripey

headbands, polka dot shirts,

and plaid shorts

From planting with mom

in the garden

That's where I'm from

From Tiger's games

and Frisbee in the park

Hugs and kisses on

Graduation Day

That's where I'm from

I'm from stinky dogs

cat allergies and fish for dinner

From a brother who's a

soccer freak

That's where I'm from

From mushy baby food

and tater tots

shopping for school

supplies, and drawing

on the walls

That's where I'm from

from crying and

the creaking stairs

and scootering around

the block

That's where I'm from

from the first day of school

and my baby brother

Family dinner since I can

remember, and annoying

cousins

That's where I'm from

Canker sores and learning to tie

shoelaces and being

proud. Sad because

of going to a new

school finding friends

That's where I'm from

Nadin

Nadin, we miss you!

Did you make it home okay?